Apps Needed ~ ASAP!

To all you tech-savy, 20-somethings out there, I would like you to develop the following cellphone apps for me ASAP:

an app that signals loudly to warn me that I am about to cross the path of a bicyclist either riding illegally on the sidewalk or against traffic in the street

an app that randomly generates fictitious names for me to give to baristas that also stores the name so that when I pick up my order I can remember the name I used

an app that will map out for me a way to get from one address in Manhattan to another so that I will be under street scaffolding and therefore protected from rain and snow for the entire trip

an app that will store the exact location of the 'safe place' in my apartment in which I have just put something that needs to be kept in a safe place

an app that enables my phone to surreptiously take a picture of every new person I meet and store it along with that person's name

an app that tells me the ATM closest to my current location that will allow me to withdraw cash without fees

an app that correctly identifies the sex of babies I am cooing over before I put my foot in my mouth

and most important, an app that temporarily disables the cellphones of anyone within a 15 foot radius

A Quick Review of Umbrella Etiquette

I realized yesterday while walking around the city during the umpteenth day of consecutive rain (I'm exaggerating, we did have one day of partial sunshine) that some people need to review the rules of umbrella etiquette. Perhaps the problem is that they have always been unwritten rules, passed down from parent to child for generations (for as far back as umbrellas have existed). Well, they are unwritten no longer:

- When walking on a crowded sidewalk (and in NYC they always are, even in the rain), dip or tilt or raise your umbrella away from people you are walking towards as you pass them. This prevents the tips of the spokes of your umbrella from gouging out the other person's eyes! The action you take will depend on the height of your umbrella which of course is dependent on your own height.

- When walking under scaffolding with an open umbrella, DON'T! There is no space for people let alone people with open umbrellas. Although the scaffolding will probably be leaking, close your umbrella until you are about to step out from under it. Because there is so much scaffolding in the city, you might be lucky enough to get where you're going without actually having to open your umbrella.

- Golf umbrellas are meant for golf courses (those open expanses of green that we don't have any of in Manhattan). Umbrellas used by people in NYC should be small and compact. (See Rule #1) In strong winds, a large umbrella never protects your bottom half from getting wet anyway.

- When getting on a bus with a soaking wet umbrella, fold it completely before you start walking to the back of the bus so that you do not get other passengers wetter than they already are.

- Do not lay a wet umbrella on a bus seat or subway seat. Carry packs of tissues with you on rainy days so that when other people have ignored this rule, you have some recourse. It is your moral obligation if you are sitting near a seat that you know is wet, to inform people who are about to sit in those seats of their "wetness". If they choose to sit anyway, your moral obligation ends.

You Have to Admire Perseverance!

The building that houses Le Veau D'Or, a small French restaurant on the Upper East Side of Manhattan (that harkens back to a more genteel era), is undergoing renovation. The restaurant's owner, Monsieur Treboux, did not let a little scaffolding stop him from creating his usual Spring flower boxes...they just had to be moved streetward onto the scaffolding!

Scaffolding - The Pro (I Can Only Think of One) & Cons

There is a lot of construction going on in NYC. Some of it is infrastructure repair but most of it is new building. It waits to be seen how much of what has been started will be finished because of the "economic downturn." For those of us living through such decisions, scaffolding is a constant addition to the list of obstacles we maneuver around on a daily basis.
Let's start with the
PRO (as I said, I can only think of one!)

~ During inclement weather, the scaffolding, if it doesn't leak too much, provides shelter from the storm. I was actually able to make it four blocks from the subway to my apartment building one day, dodging torrential rains, by zig zagging under scaffolding surrounding at least one building on every block. It even provides a place to come out of the rain while you're waiting to dash across the street.

CONS

~ These scaffolds are not good for street trees. Despite the fact that they are built around existing trees, the tree branches are crunched or worse, broken, by the wood panels that comprise the scaffolds structure.
~I have complained about the lack of space on city sidewalks before..especially when tourists, double-wide baby strollers or people with open umbrellas (because the scaffolding does leak) are around. Everything gets even more constricted under scaffolding.
~With all the serious construction accidents here lately, there are some people who are just plain afraid to walk under scaffolding. This means that store owners see reduced traffic while the construction is going on.
~Dog owners seem to pick up after their dogs even less than usual under scaffolding. (Remember I am a dog owner myself so I can make these harsh generalizations!).